Many parents are afraid to talk about cancer in front of their kids, thinking that it will scare them. As a result, they keep discussions about cancer a secret, whispering about it even in front of the doctor. But is that really the right approach?
The power of observation in children:
Even young kids who don’t know anything about cancer will sense that something strange is going on. They will notice the changes happening around them and realize there’s a secret being kept from them, which makes them suspicious of everyone around them and can cause them to feel even more fearful. They might imagine much worse scenarios than reality. However, when you speak with your child openly, starting with simple information and gradually increasing the details, it helps them feel:
- A sense of trust in you and the medical team responsible for their treatment.
- Reassured that if anything develops, you’ll be straightforward about it.
- Comfortable asking questions and expressing their feelings freely, realizing they are surrounded by support from everyone around them.
Before talking to the child:
- Be prepared for lots of questions and emotions they may bring up.
- You can involve the doctor, nursing staff, social worker, and the patient education team to help answer questions.
- You might find some of the child’s questions puzzling and may not know how to respond, and it’s perfectly fine to say, “We’ll ask the doctor next time so we can both find out the answer together.”
- Sometimes, you might find the child calm without asking anything or showing any feelings—don’t pressure them. Just let them know that if they want to discuss it at any time, you’re always ready to talk.
- Choose the right time to have the conversation with your child, avoiding moments of fatigue, stress, watching TV, or meal times. Don’t expect an immediate response; give them the freedom to choose when they want to talk to you.
The language of dialogue:
Stay calm throughout and use simple words and expressions, never shying away from the truth. Use terms like “cancer,” “radiation therapy,” as these words will encourage your child to think and ask more questions, helping them build their understanding of the illness and thus feel involved in the treatment plan.
Being there for your child:
Sometimes you won’t get a reaction from the child during discussions, and it can be tough. In such cases, just being there for your child—like sitting with them while they do homework or watching TV together—sends a psychological message that you will always be by their side, which helps them feel more secure and confident.